What I Imagine My Clients Are Seeing Sometimes While On Ecstacy:

How New Interns Often Respond To Intoxicated Persons:

What Trying To Get Out Of Drug Addiction All On Your Own Usually Ends Up Being Like:

It's really okay to ask for help, addiction is tough!

When Your Intern, Who Was Super Sheltered Their Entire Life, Ends Up Walking Into A Group Of Clients Telling 'This One Time When I Was Drunk' Stories:

Yes, he did stick a traffic cone on his head and tried to 'unicorn butt' a police officer, that happened.

The Reaction You Normally Get From Clients The First Hundred Times You Mention The "T-Word" (Treatment):

When You Remind Your Clients That They Can't Smoke Pot Or Drink While In Case Management Appointments:

Basically What Meth Use Often Looks Like:

I once watched someone on meth get stuck under a light plastic chair for an hour because they couldn't figure out how to stand up and free themselves.

When You Tell Your Currently Plastered Client That You Were Able To Get The Detox Van To Come Pick Them Up:

All The Other's Client's Faces When A New Client Tries To Sell A Staff Member Meth:

"Dude, that chick works here, run!"

The Car You Should Drive If You Want Every Person On Meth To Follow You:

"It was shiny, and sparkly and possibly edible!!!" -Actual quote from a client high on meth.

When Your Client Calls Over The Weekend And Leaves You 18 Drunk Messages On Your Office Phone Because They Can't Remember When Their Appointment Is:

You have 18 new messages!

*Beep!*

This message was left yesterday at 1:20 am: "Heeeeeey. Itsh me. Jusht wanted to check in annnd make shure my appointment washn't today... guesh I'll call back latersh..."

*Beep!*

This message was left yesterday at 2:34 am: "Heeey... do we havesh and appointmentsh today? I can't *burp* remember..."

What Forward Movement And Progress For Your Clients Sometimes Looks Like:

They made it an entire week without being cited for something by a police officer or being drunk in public! Pull out the ticker tape, we're throwing a parade!

When A Client Suddenly Announces That They Have Decided To Stop Taking Their Anti-Psychotic Meds Because They "Taste Funny:"

*Sigh* Well, tell the voices in your head hello again for me.

When Your Client Tells You That You Are The Reason They Stuck It Out Through Their Treatment Program:

When Your Client Calls You And The First Words Out Of Their Mouth Are, "I Shware I Haven't Been Drinkin:"

You mean you "Swear you aren't drinking right this second, right?"