When You Hit Another Year Mile-Marker In Your Social Work Career:

Happy New Year Everyone!

Leaving The Office After 12 Solid Hours Of Crisis Management:

What is that orb in the sky? You call it the moon? What is this moon?

My Culinary Ability After Working 11 Hours Solid In Crisis Management:

The Only Reason A Case Manager Or Advocate Is Excited To Go To A Fancy Fundraiser Dinner:

I'm sure I can get a few more of these crab-balls in my purse! What? It's not like I can afford these on my salary!

What Holding A Christmas Party For Your Clients Can Sometimes Feel Like:

Merry Christmas Everyone!

The Response One Gets From One's Severely Delusional Client When One Suggests They Might Want To Start Taking Their Medication:

Well, have fun having tea with Johnny Cash and Mickey Mouse!

What Your Clients Often Express Feeling Like After You Have Implemented A New "Healthy Meals" Plan In The Shelter:

Being homeless is stressful enough as it is. Just let them eat cake. Seriously, give them some cake and a fork.

When People Make Judgemental Statements About How 'You Could Be Doing So Much Better' Than Your Non-Profit Job:

Well, you could be less of a self-centered jerk.

When Your Local Newspaper Quotes You In An Article On Homelessness... But They Never Actually Interviewed You:

Thanks local paper for your awesome journalism where you quoted something I never said, without even talking to me. I want to let you know that your mind-readers suck, because I never even thought that quote.

Don't Forget, Setting Healthy Boundaries With Clients Is Important:

When You Realize That Your Database Numbers Don't Add Up, Meaning You Have To Look Through Over A Thousand Entries To Find The Error:

This is Hell.

The Car You Should Drive If You Want Every Person On Meth To Follow You:

"It was shiny, and sparkly and possibly edible!!!" -Actual quote from a client high on meth.

When You Make A New Friend At The Department Of Social And Health Services Who Says, "Oh, Here's My Desk Number! If You Need Something, Just Call Me!"

Yes! No more waiting on hold for four hours to figure out what my client's lost ID number is!!!

When You Draw The Shortest Straw And End Up Being The Tour Guide For Donors For Your Non-Profit Agency For Four Hours:

...Because I didn't have work I was going to get done today or anything.

How The Older Generation Of Homeless Often Feel About The Newer, Younger, Generations Of Homeless:

"I mean, we did drugs, but at least we were respectful about it, not like these young ones!" - Actual Quote From A Client

When, After A Long Week Dealing With Constant People, Friends Ask If You Want To Go To A Club:

Basically The Entire Holiday Season For Non-Profits And Social Work Agencies Summed Up In One Statement:

Let the insanity begin.

What Happens When You Try To Get Out Of The Van Your Coworkers And You Had To Share On The Ten Hour Drive To A Conference:

Can anyone else feel their butt? I can't feel my butt...

When You've Already Been Working Nine Hours With Clients And Get Called To An "Emergency" Staff Meeting About A Fundraiser:

When Your Ancient Computer Refuses To Read Or Print Any Of Your Client's Court Documents Because They Are In A Newer Format Than Your Computer Supports:

Why You Never Ask For Program Improvement Suggestions From Clients Who Have Just Smoked A Ton Of Pot:

Nope, I don't think we can make our program more 'flowy.' I'll see you when your brain isn't mushy.

All Of Your Potential Clients Your First Week As A Street-Based Outreach Worker Working With The Homeless:

Don't give up, though! Eventually they get used to seeing you and will actually have conversations with you!

When, After Working A 50 Plus Hour Week At A Homeless Shelter, Your Friends All Excitedly Want You To Go With Them To Volunteer To Serve A Meal At One:

"But I just... but this is what I do every day... *disgruntled sigh* Fine."

What It Feels Like When You're Asked To Write A Grant, But No One Has Any Details About The Grant:

So is this for housing, medical coverage, a worker cupcake fund... what!?

How You Eat After Working Ten Hours Straight With No Breaks And Only Half Of a Granola Bar For Sustenance:

If you want to talk to me while I eat, fine, but I cannot be blamed for the carnage you are about the witness.

How You Feel After Being On The Phone For Five Hours, Rerouted Through Seven Different People, And Hung Up On Twice While Trying To Fix Your Client's Benefits:

We All Have Our Own Coping Strategies For Stress At Work:

Prepping For A Gathering of Social Workers:

When Your Client Calls Over The Weekend And Leaves You 18 Drunk Messages On Your Office Phone Because They Can't Remember When Their Appointment Is:

You have 18 new messages!

*Beep!*

This message was left yesterday at 1:20 am: "Heeeeeey. Itsh me. Jusht wanted to check in annnd make shure my appointment washn't today... guesh I'll call back latersh..."

*Beep!*

This message was left yesterday at 2:34 am: "Heeey... do we havesh and appointmentsh today? I can't *burp* remember..."

When You're Roommate At The Social Work Conference Is The Super Early Bird Type:

 

 No, I'm obviously not as excited as you are about the "Homelessness in Rural Areas Reactions to Cattle" seminar. Please leave me alone.

When Your Client Brings Their Kids Into The Appointment, Despite Free Childcare Being Available, And Promises That, "They'll Be Perfect Little Angels:"

I once had a child try to color in my office... which would have been fine if they hadn't been trying to color me.

When You Reach The End Of Your Weeks' Appointments And None Of Your Clients Were Missing Pants:

YAY! I saw no one's underwear this week!!!

There's Always That One Person In the All-Staff Meeting That Is Supposed To Be Focused On Agency Strategies For Efficacy And Efficiency:

Umm... Does she even work here?

That Rare Moment When You Get A Brand New Program Up And Running Smoothly:

What Happens When Gung-Ho Interns Try To Take On State System On Their Own:

You were stuck on hold for three hours listening to the 'Chariots of Fire Theme' played on marimbas? I did try to warn you. How's your head?

When You Have A Day Off To Make Up For Your Extra Hours At Work And Someone Calls You With A Work Problem:

Sorry, not in the office can't help you. Oh, and I'm driving through a tunnel, while on an airplane, while hanging up on you.

My New Agency-Wide Stress Reduction Plan:

It might also get the mice out of my office.

What Happens When Your Attention Needy Client (Who Always Has A Handy Side Of Hot Mess) Feels Like Someone Is Out-Drama-Ing Them:

Alright, misery is not a competition! You can both be miserable and both can have mental health called on them, okay? Okay.

When You See One Of Your Emotionally Needy Clients At The Grocery Store:

I don't want to do case management by the cantaloupe!

What Generally Happens At About 5:15 PM On Friday Right After Getting Home From Work:

 

When A Politician Claims To "Love Children" But Then Votes To Cut Funding For Food Stamps And WIC Programs:

So you love kids... but you don't care if they eat or not. Hmm...

There's Always That One Coworker At The Annual Staff Party Who Has Just A Bit Too Much Of The Complimentary Wine:

"But the drinks... the drinks... are ffffffree."

My Reaction Whenever The News Refers To Homeless Or "Street-Kids" As "Rejects:"

When You Catch 3 Different Illnesses From Various Sick Clients All At Once:

I have a cold, the flu and possibly typhoid.

When That Piece Of Legislation You Have Fought For For Years To Protect Your Clients Finally Passes:

When The Newest Hired Staff To Take On A Brand New Grant Insists That He Or She Get All New Office Technology To Run Their New Program:

My computer is still running Windows Vista. Good luck getting that iPad buddy.

When Your Client Won't Make Up Their Mind About Which Program They Want You To Help Them Enroll In... For Three Days:

Why You Should Never Go Grocery Shopping After A Full Day Of Crisis Management:

The next morning: Can anyone tell me why I bought three pounds of mint leaves and an entire flat of Go-gurt?

When A Brand New Client Wants You To Find Him Or Her Housing, Transportation, A Job And Fix Their Social Security Issues Today... Right Now:

I am not the magical crisis fairy. We will get to as much as we can today, but there is no magic wand.

What Basically Happens Whenever The Government Tries To "Update" Any Of Their Programs Or Systems:

 

So you took the program that only works on outdated versions of Internet Explorer and made it so that it works on absolutely nothing!